Monday, March 11, 2024

I Really Should Be Writing

 

There's a meme most writers are probably familiar with - the "You Should be Writing" meme. There are a variety of them, with different characters and scenery - but the message is the same.

Yes, I should be writing. I've started a few new short stories for my next book, but my writing has just recently come to a screeching halt. I feel like my motivation is lacking. My stories need to be mapped out, but I haven't been working on them. I know I'm not stuck. I don't have writer's block. It's just plain old procrastination.

Procrastination, that tempting, time-wasting thief of productivity, is something we're all familiar with. I know I need to get the writing done, and I want to do it. I was excited to dive in and start working on these new stories. But when it comes to writing, I haven't procrastinated this much since I was in school and would put off writing term papers for as long as possible. So why am I procrastinating now? Why does any writer procrastinate?

Fear of failure. It's a pretty common reason for procrastination. I'm working on mystery stories - not an easy genre for me. What if I start writing and realize the story isn't working?  Maybe I'm worried I won't be able to fix it and I'll end up ditching the story completely.

Insecurity. We writers often struggle with it. I sometimes catch myself thinking, "Maybe I'm not a good writer. I don't have many people reading my stories or buying my books. Maybe I should stop." I am my own worst critic, and it's that inner critic that plagues me.

There's also the worry about what happens after the book is finished - the worry that no one will read what I've written, and the seemingly irrational opposite worry - that someone will! And what if they don't like it? Then there are the typos and punctuation errors I'll find after I publish. There's just always something that I have to go back and fix, which fortunately with print-on-demand, I can do.

And what about all the work of promoting the stories after I publish? How do I get through writing about what I've written  - book blurbs, social media posting, advertising? I've done it before, and it can be tedious work. And I'm not great at it.

Procrastination is a thief of time, and for me it's also a thief of joy. I find myself feeling depressed and down on myself for not writing. It may be that feeling depressed caused the procrastination in the first place and is now in a vicious cycle also the result of it. But in spite of all the anxiety, fear, and insecurity, it makes no sense to not be glued to a notebook or to my keyboard working on my stories, to be doing all kinds of mindless, boring little tasks just to avoid them.

Why do we tortured artists put ourselves through this? It's part of the creative process apparently. An impending deadline can spur us into action when we're putting off doing something, but I don't actually have one. As a self-published author, I am not under contract and have no obligation. Still, I do have a goal for publishing that starts out as a month and then gets whittled down to the day of that month that I want to publish by.

So as the days fly by and my stories are incomplete pages in a word document and my characters are as stationary as mannequins, all waiting for their scenes to make their way from my imagination to my fingers, the "You Should Be Writing" memes keep popping up in my mind.

Yes, I definitely should be writing. How to stop procrastinating? I don't think there's a specific strategy; I think you just bust out of it. I have a notebook and pen on my nightstand now to give me a push though, and all my books are on my Kindle app on my phone for extra encouragement.

In any event, new stories will be coming this summer!



Wednesday, November 15, 2023

The Long and Short of It

 




I started out publishing short stories a few years ago, but this year I published a novel and a novella! The novel is basically a ghost thriller with some family secrets and nineteenth-century romance, and the novella is a contemporary rom-com. 
You may be saying, "Wait, hold up! Why two such different books? Don't you always write one genre?"
No. I write short stories, and I like to play around with genres. And yes, I decided to try my hand at writing a novel.
The result was "The Bellwood Legacy." It's not terribly long - it's around 220 pages. But there's a lot packed into those pages as I was writing about different people and time periods within the same family. Not surprisingly, the book was originally supposed to be four short stories, but I ended up combining them into one long story with characters from the past now being ghosts in the present.
It was a daunting task finishing and editing the novel. There were several little last minute changes just trying to get a sentence right here and there. For my first attempt at a novel, I wanted to take my time, so it took over a year to complete.
The rom-com novella, "Getting Austin" was a short story idea that came to me, and rather than try to fit it into a new short story collection, I decided to do it as a stand-alone book. At first I wasn't sure I had enough there for a novella, but as it turned out, I did. The main character is a woman who has MS, as I do, so I was able to pull from my own experience with the condition (I hate the word disease) in writing the story.
I included a picture above of my most recent (and I think my most well written) book of short stories. "Shadow Stories" is both contemporary and period fiction, the common theme being they're all dark stories, some with supernatural, fantasy, or Gothic vibes.
My next project will likely be another book of short stories. I've been wanting to write a book of just mysteries, so that's what I'll be focusing on. I also want to write more about the Radcliffe family from "The Bellwood Legacy" because I feel they have more secrets to tell.
So, there you have it. Short stories, longer stories - supernatural thriller, contemporary fiction, suspense, romantic comedy. Who knows what's next? That's a mystery.

Monday, July 17, 2023

A Midsummer Night's Creative Crisis

 


Sitting at my keyboard burning the after midnight oil in late June/early July making last minute edits to my book, I could feel it creeping in again like the breeze through an open window. Despite the fact that the changes were small - a new phrase here, a deleted one there - somehow it made me feel I had done a horrible job. 

Self-doubt is like a little gremlin that enjoys popping up to try and sabotage you when it sees you writing. It especially loves to sit there watching you edit your story with a big "I told you so" grin on its face.

Each mistake I encountered in this final round of editing and perfecting my finished project had the self-doubt gremlin jumping around in glee. I beat myself up over the errors while breathing a sigh of relief that they had been caught. I couldn't believe I had missed that period that was supposed to be a comma, but it wasn't as cringey as an earlier catch, where I'd left my character outside and forgot to replace the deleted sentence that mentioned her coming back in. (It's a good argument for having an editor, a luxury not all of us indie authors can afford.)

Writer's block is nothing compared to crippling self-doubt that not only makes you second-guess your creative decisions on a project, but makes you question whether you should even be writing. 

As I rewrote a couple of sentences, I told myself that I was making the story read better, that I cared enough to do the best writing I could, so I must be doing a good job. And yet at the same time I wondered if this was all a sign that I should give up writing. The self-doubt gremlin whispered in my ear: Maybe you should quit. You're a crappy writer if you can't write the most amazing sentence on the first try. 

I just wrote and published my first novel, and there were times while I was writing it that I thought of abandoning the whole project. I was upset that I had to delay publishing because I was still fixing/changing things, and the gremlin kept trying to get me to give up. What kept me going? The same things that always do when I write:

My story. As a short story writer, a novel was new territory for me that I really wanted to explore. I wanted to write this story so much. I liked the way it came together, and the way the genres blended and complimented each other. And I really wanted to meet my goal of completing my first novel.

My characters. I love my characters. All of the ones I've created. I was with the people I created for my novel for a lot longer. Like the others, I gave them life; I couldn't abandon them. They helped me cross the finish line.

Remembering why I write. I love it. It makes me happy. It's so satisfying to take an idea and turn it into an actual story. I love getting it out of the warehouse of ideas in my head and seeing the words on the page.

I also find that a good way to fend off self-doubt is to not compare yourself to other authors. We all have our own style. It's really important to stay true to yourself and tell the story you want to tell, the way you want to tell it, and not think about what others are doing.

So now I am moving on to the next project, which will be another short story. And as for the self-doubt gremlin, I've breathed a sigh of relief that it's gone. For now.

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

When You're Trying to Hold On to Your Writing

 



I feel like things are trying to pull me away from writing lately! I'm trying to finish my first novel, and it's  been difficult due to having health issues and so many little things to do. It's really true - there just aren't enough hours in the day.

I've had to adjust my schedule for a medication I'm taking. I already have MS, which gives you a limited amount of energy to work with as it is. Then recently, I had a few attacks of trigeminal neuralgia, which causes brief but horrible bursts of pain that come on suddenly in the forehead or the side of the face (not to mention causing anxiety). And I have a tooth that got infected to boot.Thank goodness the pain medication is keeping the attacks away!

I'm trying to make writing the priority, especially when I'm so close to finishing. Then I'll have to go through the editing process. So I'm pretty much overwhelmed already. Meanwhile, I have doctor visits, physical therapy, and treatments scheduled.

Still, I can appreciate that I have more time to write now than I did when I was still working, and I know there are writers out there juggling a lot more commitments than I am.

The good thing is now we have phones we carry with us everywhere, which are great for making notes - not that I don't recall what it was like to just use pen and notepads for this. Since writing is always going on in your head, and you can get an idea at any time, it's good to have a way to record your thoughts anywhere. Even if it may take a while to work on getting them into your story.

Things can get pretty crazy sometimes. So even though I've felt a little scattered lately, I'm trying to hold on and keep working through it, because like I always say - it's about the writing.

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Why Read Short Stories?





Have you ever looked at a painting, studied the details, and gotten lost in the beauty of it? Or listened to a song, fallen in love with the lyrics, and gotten goose bumps as the music reached a crescendo? 

A single work of art can make a lasting impression, and it doesn't always need a lot of time to do it. The same holds true for fiction. While there are great novels out there, there are also great short stories.

Short stories are an art form all their own. They have all the elements of a novel without as much backstory, or as many twists and turns in the plot. The writer gives you a full story in a smaller number of pages that can usually be read in an hour or less.

While a novel lets you stretch out the story and prolong the suspense, the short story uses the most important scenes, dialogue, and descriptions to move things along. Conflicts may get resolved sooner, but the plot can be just as intriguing and the ending, or the message within the story, can be just as powerful in a good short story as it is in a novel. 

I often think of a collection of short stories as being like a music album. As you  listen, you hear a variety of melodies and lyrics in one place. You may not like all the songs, but each one tells a different story. Some you'll want to hear again, and maybe one becomes your favorite.

In the time it takes to read a novel, you can enjoy a number of short stories and meet a lot of diverse characters. The variety makes them appealing to read, and it's what makes me like writing them too - that and it's easier to tame the influx of story ideas.

Friday, March 18, 2022

My Short Story Vibe/Idea Wars



I've now written and self-published three books of short stories. And I've written two e-books (one that's also in paperback) that have just two stories each, for a total of thirty short stories. One thing I've noticed is that my writing in each book seemed to have a different feeling to it for me. The first one was kind of a "testing the waters" vibe, the second felt like a confidence builder, and the third had an intense feeling to it that was perhaps intentional, since I wanted all the stories to be darker. 

That was the theme. My first book of short stories didn't really have a "theme" to it, I didn't feel like I needed one. For the second, I was working with the theme of stories about love, loss, and fate. Then I chose to focus on writing darker stories in the third one - giving it a little bit of a Gothic vibe. My two e-books have kind of a dark vibe also. 

With a dark story, I sometimes like to give it that happy ending that has just a little bit of a shadow hanging over it. I'm a sucker for a happy ending. I love it when the guy gets the girl. I like when the good guys win, but I think it strikes a chord of realism when they don't. So sometimes my dark stories don't even have that slightly happy ending.

I like the variety of writing different genres; I don't stick to one in particular.  I write whatever fanciful thing comes into my mind, and sometimes it matches my mood. I like to keep the reader in suspense, to keep them wondering, and to inject a little humor even in the saddest story.

I wrote the first version of my story "All The Things I Meant To Be" years ago at a time in my life when I'd lost a job and was feeling down and trying to get myself together. I just felt like writing a sad story, though even back then I put a little humor in it. I had two characters who were brothers, and I wanted to have a scene where they were laughing and having fun together after a recent reconciliation. I also knew right away I wanted this to be a contemporary fiction story.

Sometimes the genre I write and the era in which the story takes place are both determined by the characters I create. I have to be able to fit the character into that genre and time. I have to be able to envision them there. Sometimes there may even be a battle between the story details in my imagination.

For example, I created a character named Clotilde. I think it's such a beautiful name. I gave her the name before I even put together her story. I thought of her being in the past, and I knew I wanted her to be in a love story. Then I was struggling to decide how far back in the past to have her living in, and where to set the story. I kind of wanted her to be living a few hundred years ago in Europe, but she ended up being a divorced woman in the Deep South in 1950, and the story became a love story/mystery.

I would love to write a novel based on one of my short stories so I could delve more into the life of one of my characters. For now, my goal is to write a group of short mystery stories. I'm also planning a sequel/prequel to my story, "Skeletons of Bellwood". 

A little erratic. A little eccentric. Emotional ups and downs. That's my writing vibe.




Thursday, January 13, 2022

Confessions of a (self-published) Short Story Writer


 

As a fairly new author, sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed. Formatting, editing, proofreading - as a self-published author, it's all on me.

The misplaced comma, the sentence I find that has a word missing, the word I'm still not sure is the one I want - these are among the ever-present terrors I face. Suddenly I'm seized by self-doubt; I may even start to wonder if the idea for the story is even any good. 

I started writing a long time ago, but wasn't really getting anything done, usually because of being distracted by other ideas, or just not having time to write. I finally chose to write and self-publish short stories because I worry that I don't have the commitment it takes to write a novel. To stick with the same story idea and get three or four hundred pages out of it. I already had a few different ideas, some from years earlier, so a couple of years ago, I began to work on turning them into actual, complete stories.

I love working with several different story lines and characters. Short stories are great because they give you the same drama or suspense as a novel, but with a quicker resolution to the conflict between the protagonist and antagonist. I pour myself into each and every story when I'm writing, but editing is sometimes a different - ahem - story.

It's usually pretty easy for me to stay focused on one story at a time, but when I'm editing a collection of short stories, I may go back to a story if something occurs to me about it while I'm working on editing another. I can't even imagine editing novels.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to write a novel. Even if the grind of sticking to one idea and drafting a much longer story takes the fun out of the writing. I think it would be awesome to accomplish the task of completing an entire novel. There are characters of mine that I'd like to write more about.

So. Self-publishing. It's a lot of work, but I'm no stranger to hard work. It has been a learning experience, and I continue to have to re-learn things like page numbering and making a table of contents. I've had to fix and upload PDF files of my manuscript more than once (my first upload was  accidentally a Word file). I've fumbled through designing my own book covers and spent hours staring at a computer screen or pouring over a proof copy of my book, looking for errors, only to miss something and see it later after I hit publish. Thank goodness for print-on-demand!

I confess I've added  minor details to a few of my stories later too. I guess sometimes I really don't feel like I'm done with a story if there is still some little thing bugging me. Shhh. 

Every story I write is like a living, breathing document to me - they are the offspring of my imagination. I can't help but watch over them even after they have been written.

I think, or at least I hope, I am getting better at the whole self-publishing thing. I'd like to think my writing is getting better too. With each story, I feel more confident, and I'm not second-guessing myself as much.

In the world of writing short stories, the imagination takes you lots of different places and into the lives of many characters in fairly quick succession. A sudden new story idea popping up is actually a benefit, not a hindrance. I love that I can create so many different works that it would take years to write if they were all novels. They may be smaller stories, but they can have just as big an impact on the reader as a novel. 

Final confession - I always like to leave a little something up to the reader's imagination when it works for the story. And I love that "keep them guessing" thing!


Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Finding Inspiration

 




A walk in the woods, a favorite song, a vivid dream. Any can be a good source of inspiration for a story. Inspiration can't be forced however. It works on its own time, on its own terms. Even if it means waking you up in the middle of the night with a great story idea, or suddenly popping one into your head as you're riding on the bus.

Maybe you see a house or building that becomes the inspiration for the location of a story. Or maybe, you're inspired by a song that you can't get out of your head to create a set of circumstances for the main character in your story. 

A person you don't even know can inspire you. You may see someone as you're walking down the street or shopping at the grocery and think they seem like they could be a character for a story.

I love the feeling of being inspired. I love that inspiration works in mysterious ways. It gives you just enough to get the creative process going, then it's up to you to flesh out the details and make the story work.

Sometimes I like to just go looking for inspiration. To clear my head and go out for a walk and take pictures at different places. I think it's important to look for inspiration whenever and wherever you can. Whether it's a walk in the woods, at the art museum, along the shore, or just around town. You never know where it might find you.

Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Happenstance and other stories


 


 I feel like I haven't talked much about my second book of short stories, "Happenstance and other stories". This post will be about all things Happenstance... - eight stories of love, loss and the workings of fate. The genres are mixed - contemporary and period fiction, mystery, suspense, and romance.

The title story is a slightly autobiographical girl meets boy story with a twist. The girl doesn't get the boy, an artist who turns out to have a girlfriend who then becomes his fiancee. The girl runs into him periodically over several years, the feelings she had for him a secret. She thought he was the one, and she thinks fate is playing games with her. As the girl is telling the story to someone over lunch we wonder, is this a confession? Is fate really to blame?

"Homework" - Dealing with a timely issue, this story is about the aftermath of a shooting at a high school that leaves three students dead and one wounded. Colin is just hours away from asking out Abby, the girl of his dreams. Now she is gone, along with Colin's best friend Gabriel and the new girl, Madison. Another classmate, Tyler, was shot in the shoulder. The story follows Colin, Abby's best friend Brittany, and two teachers, Justin Henderson and Danielle Novak as they deal with their grief. Danielle is talking about quitting. Justin is trying to hold his emotions back after watching Gabriel, his favorite student, die in his arms. And Brittany and Colin just want their best friends back.

"The Hollows" - I wanted to write a modern day vampire story. I thought of a reluctant vampire from the past, of Italian descent, with a certain loneliness about him. Vincent, a 350-year-old vampire, has put his mansion on the market and is facing a showdown with his vampire enemy, Marco. The problems began when Vincent's first love Isabella chose him over Marco, who then turned Vincent into a vampire against his will. Fearing for Isabella, Vincent ran away with her to America. After her death, Marco found Vincent, and for three centuries, they have been plotting against each other, still at odds over her. Vincent reminisces about the other great loves of his life, Marjorie and Eva, while still wanting to be with Isabella. But first he must deal with Marco.

"Harbinger" - I like the whole past lives/reincarnation thing; I find it fascinating. This story centers around Dane, a man getting over the deaths of his parents. He was taking care of his ill mother, who later died of cancer, after he had to temporarily move back home due to a fire in his apartment building. He buys an old building he's always liked and has it renovated into apartments with a restaurant on the first floor. Before even moving into his new apartment in the building, he hears a woman's voice there. Then he begins to have dreams about a fire that happened in the first floor restaurant area more than eighty years earlier. He soon discovers he has a past life connection to the building.

"Clotilde" - The subject of my "What's in a Name?" post a while back, Clotilde was a name I wanted to use for a character. I developed a whole story around that name, asking myself, Who is she? Where does she live? What era is it? Well, it's the Deep South around 1950, and Clotilde Dupree, the title character in this mystery/romance, is a sales clerk in a department store. She  helps jazz musician Ray Hollis find a suit and tie for a gig. He invites her to the show, and soon the two are having an affair. Clotilde is divorced with a little boy, and Ray has a wife and four kids. The affair goes on for the better part of a decade, then Ray learns some secrets after Clotilde is murdered.

"Mrs. Summers' Daughters" - I originally wrote this story years ago, but never published it. I revised it a bit for this book, but kept it mostly the same. It's a period romance about two young men from London who travel to America in 1910. Charles Summers' uncle, Edward, lives in a town in Connecticut now and has invited him to spend the summer. Charles asks his friend Nigel, who is saddened by the recent death of his father, to come with him. In America they meet Edward's new wife and her daughters. Nigel and Charles both find themselves smitten. The summer is full of romance and young love, along with some disappointment and heartbreak, and it ultimately sees Nigel's and Charles's lives transformed.

"The Last of the Royal Line" - A family mystery hangs over Helen's life. Now that her parents and sister are gone, her own children are grown, and her marriage has ended, she turns her attention to the past and her father's tales of their royal ancestors. The first part of the story just popped into my head, and the rest unfolded as I was writing it. Helen's father told her he was a descendant of royalty, presumably dating back a few centuries. He fought and died in World War I. The story starts with Helen as a little girl and follows her through decades of the twentieth century until she is in her eighties. She is still enthralled with the idea that she is a princess, but is she?

"The House on West 100th Street" - This story was inspired in part by my memories of a house on the street where I lived as a kid. I just always imagined some little kids living there with an older couple. I don't know why, and I never knew who really lived there. The main character in the story is Cole, a seventeen-year-old boy who was left on his parents' doorstep as a baby. He learns his three siblings were all foundlings too. The family is close-knit and his adoptive parents are loving, but Cole still wonders about his mysterious birth mother. 

The photo on the book's cover is one that I took. The typewriter in the picture was my mother's, and she typed some of my stories on it for me when I was a little girl. The idea behind the photo is running into something unexpected in the forest - a sort of "Fancy meeting you here" moment. Like Happenstance.


"Happenstance and other stories" is available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle.









 

 

Sunday, June 14, 2020

"Storied Existence" Backstory (Kissing a Frog)



"Kissing a Frog" is story #7 in "Storied Existence".  I always loved the story of The Princess and the Frog when I was a little girl. I had a little hardcover copy that was beautifully illustrated. I loved to just sit and look at the pictures. I remember the princess losing her golden ball, and the frog retrieving it for her. I remember being fascinated by the story line that the frog was really a prince who was turned into a frog by a witch.
In my version of the story, there is no princess, just a witch. Her name is Camden, and she's in law school. She turns an obnoxious male classmate named Alex into a frog, inadvertently. Her friends can see that Alex likes her, but Camden has just come out of a bad relationship, so she ignores the suggestion from one of them that she should just "kiss the frog" and go out with him. She really doesn't like him at first, but just as she starts to see a little more prince in him and a little less frog, she accidentally casts her amphibian spell on him.
The idea for the story just popped into my head one day. I was thinking about that old children's book, and I thought it would be great to write a modern day version of the story for my book of short stories. I thought, why not have the witch and the princess be the same person? Why can't the witch get the guy? Camden isn't a mean witch, after all. She's actually had to occasionally ask her older sister, who's also a witch, to help reverse her bungled spells.
I included a bit of diversity in "Storied Existence" in terms of skin color and sexual orientation,  though perhaps not as much as I should have. "Kissing a Frog" has characters who are white, black, brown, and LGBTQ.
As for Alex the frog, he's one of three green characters in the book.

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Night Time is the Write Time


I've always been a night owl. And a bit of an insomniac. Now it's part of my writing process. I do most of my writing at night; the ideas just seem to flow better. I seem to be able to do a better job of revising and editing during the day, when I'm presumably well-rested.
But it never fails. I'm working on a story late at night, I shut down the computer and go to bed, and as soon as my head hits the pillow, something will occur to me.
It could be something a character should say, a name for a character, a plot point. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep, but my brain wants to keep writing.
Inevitably, I will lie awake thinking about how I should rewrite the dialogue or how a particular scene in the story should play out.
Because I get so many ideas for whatever story I'm working on after I've gone to bed, the danger looms that I won't remember them in the morning. So to combat this, I'll record the idea on my phone before I fall asleep and have to struggle to remember it later.
Also, I occasionally get ideas for new stories from my dreams. I always have. I've managed to turn a few of them into actual stories, or to just include parts of the dreams in a few stories anyway.
So since I'm writing in my head in my sleep, I suppose it's only a matter of time before somnambulism takes over and I can sit down at the keyboard and type the ideas out at the same time.
I wonder what sort of gibberish I'd wake up to?
Wait a minute....

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

A Little Something I Wrote




I've been writing stories for my next book of short stories, which I plan to publish this spring. This story is a preview.

THE LAST OF THE ROYAL LINE

She was eighty-eight years old. She had long white hair and a thin, petite frame. She was standing barefoot by the leaded glass window, wearing a long-sleeved white Victorian nightgown that once belonged to her mother.
He was her new doctor. There had been a few others over the years. When he entered the room, she glanced over her shoulder at him with just a passing interest. Her mind, as always, was somewhere else.

“Papa, my feet won’t touch the floor!”
“You are sitting on the throne of a great queen, Helen. Charlotte’s feet are not on the floor either.”
“Hers is the king’s throne?”
“Yes, little one.”
The adventurous little girl had easily climbed up while Papa had helped her older sister. They lived in a castle, but the ornate carved wooden thrones they sat upon were in a far away palace that their father told them was the home of their ancestors.
Their mother had passed away from tuberculosis, and their father was later killed in the war. So at ten years of age, Helen went with twelve-year-old Charlotte to live with their grandparents in a collection of castles with foreboding atmospheres, located deep in the woods or high on hills overlooking lakes or treacherous ravines.
     In all of the homes there were books filled with old photographs, but there was not a single photo of their father. Grandfather referred to him as “that lunatic,” despite being repeatedly hushed by his wife.
There were many photos of their mother from the time she was an infant until just days before she died. Helen had few memories of her. Looking at one of the photographs, she saw that she was wearing a ring with a large stone. She remembered Papa telling her he had given her a ruby ring that was his grandmother’s. He said it had once belonged to the princess who married their ancestor the  prince. Helen could vaguely remember holding her mother's hand and gazing at the big beautiful ruby on her finger. Papa said Mama had been buried wearing the ring. 
      Helen and Charlotte both thought their mother looked very much like a queen. Charlotte’s most vivid memory of her was sitting with her and Helen on the stairs when she first became ill.
“She told us she loved us, and she'd married Papa because she loved him, and she didn't care that he wasn't rich.”

      The sisters grew up in their mother's world of elite schools and mansions with halls that echoed, and they married men of good breeding and social standing.
They each had children of their own, though sadly Charlotte did not live to see her children grow up.
As she lay on her sickbed at The Elms, one of the homes the sisters had inherited from their grandparents, Helen came into the room and lay down beside her.
“I wish we could go back to our palace again, and sit on the thrones like our ancestors.”
Charlotte sighed. “Grandmother and Grandfather told us, Papa was not related to that royal family. You know that. They investigated. Papa’s ancestors were just common folk. We don’t have a drop of royal blood.”
“Papa said his father told him the queen was only able to have one child. Her son the prince and his princess had five children, but only two boys survived, and one was kidnapped as a child. Don’t you remember?”
“Papa was just telling us fairy tales, Helen. He wanted to comfort us after Mama was gone.”
Tears were pouring down Helen’s face. “Everyone is gone. And now you are leaving me too.”
Charlotte sounded very weak. “Helen dear, there is something you need to know. I found out something a few years ago. I hope you will forgive me for not telling you about it.”
“What is it, Charlotte?”
“Look in the attic of the North House. In the old trunk. There is an envelope full of papers.”
“What are they? Charlotte?”
She had fallen asleep.

The next day, Charlotte passed away. After the funeral, Helen drove by herself to the North House, one of their homes which stood on a hill overlooking a lake. She let herself in and climbed the winding stairs all the way up to the attic.
As it turned out, there were three old trunks, but only one contained an envelope full of paperwork. It looked important. Official documents from the military.
Sitting on a dusty ottoman by a window, Helen read the papers, which detailed her father’s experiences during the war. She read how he was wounded and hospitalized. Hospitalized?
“Patient is recovering from leg wound,” the notes read.
One of the pieces of paper described an incident in which the patient had led his men into battle proclaiming, “We fight in honor of my queen, Charlotte, queen of Prussia and the Netherlands!” The reports indicated that he had repeated a story about being a descendant of a royal family line that had died out, and then had begun to demand an audience with the long-deceased queen and king at the royal palace. There was a letter advising his in-laws of the patient’s transfer to a mental institution.
Helen was in tears again. There were other letters, from doctors at the mental hospital, giving her grandparents information on her father’s condition. The words “patient is delusional” kept appearing. There was even a photograph of her father, grey-haired, seated in a chair, a nurse and a doctor standing at his sides. He looked haggard, and as though he was in a stupor. Helen wiped at her tears. There was a telephone number at the bottom of the letters.
She called the hospital and found out that her father was still there. She went to see him, and a nurse let her into his room. He was sitting on the bed looking out the window. Trembling,  Helen went and sat next to her father.
“Papa?”
He turned to look at her, a vacant look in his eyes.
“It’s me, Helen,” she said, putting her hand over his.
He didn’t recognize her. She sat and talked to him for a while, telling him about her husband and children and Charlotte. He didn’t react.
She visited from time to time, always hoping for a sign of recognition. The closest she came was one day when they were sitting together outside and she said, “I wonder if there is another chair nearby, this one is uncomfortable.”
“It is the throne of a great queen, little one,” he said.
Helen burst into tears and hugged him. “Oh, Papa.”
“Is it lunch time now?” he asked.
The nurse came to take him back inside.
The following year, he passed away of natural causes. Helen was inconsolable. She went to the palace alone and stood there looking at the thrones, thinking about the queen and king.
As the years went on, her life deteriorated. Her husband left her for another woman. Her two adult sons spoke to her less and less. She started drinking, and was always claiming that her father was a descendant of royalty, but no one had ever believed him because there were no records and his claim could not be proven.
She had inherited the original castle where she had been born and lived with her parents. She returned to live there, surrounded by all their things, often pretending she was still a child and they were still alive. She spoke of Charlotte as though she were still living.
 Her only daughter Sylvia and grandson Bryce were the only people to occasionally visit. Sylvia hired all the doctors and nurses her mother needed and controlled all of her affairs. Some of the houses had been sold over the years. Helen never asked about them or even about any of her other family members, only concerning herself with the ones who were gone, but still living in her head.

The doctor asked her to sit in a nearby armchair and he took out his stethoscope and listened to her heart.
“How have you been feeling?” he asked her.
“I feel very well. Mama is ill with tuberculosis. Papa never gets ill. He says it’s because he has royal blood.” She smiled up at him. “My sister Charlotte is named after a queen who was our ancestor.”
“And where is Charlotte?”
“Lessons,” she said, making a face.
He smiled. He tested her reflexes, and she giggled.
“Papa says our royal blood makes us strong so we do not get sick.”

The doctor came downstairs to talk to her family members.
Sylvia looked up as he entered the room. “How is she?”
“She seems to be in good spirits,” he said. “Her physical health is good.”
“The crazy old girl is going to outlive us all,” Bryce said.
“Bryce!” Sylvia shouted.
“Her mental condition is inherited?” the doctor inquired.
Sylvia nodded. “My grandfather was in a mental institution for several years. We never even met him. My great grandparents concealed it from my mother and her sister.”
“She does seem to be living in the past,” the doctor said.
“That’s putting it mildly,” mumbled Bryce.
Sylvia hushed him. The doctor didn’t ask what Bryce had meant. Bryce and Sylvia had already talked to Helen’s psychiatrist about her ongoing delusions, the acting as though she were a queen, even once thinking Bryce’s girlfriend was a maid and asking her to fetch her some wine.
The girlfriend, a well-known blonde fashion model, was offended.
“The demented old bag thinks I’m the maid! I don’t know why your mother doesn’t just put her in a home.”
“Mother will never do that,” Bryce said. “Don’t worry; we don’t have to come back. She doesn’t know who I am either.”
Of course Bryce had come back with his mother. He’d been there every time she had explained his grandmother’s delusions to a new psychiatrist. She always said the same thing.
“My mother’s maternal grandparents were wealthy, but we aren’t royalty. My maternal grandfather was from a family of very modest means, yet he always believed he was related to the Hamburg royal family line.”
     Like his mother, Bryce knew his great-grandfather hadn’t been the first in his lineage to suffer from mental illness. It was a branch of their family tree they’d rather not talk about.
The doctor left, and Sylvia went upstairs to say goodbye to her mother. She came back down, that same sad look on her face.
“I don’t know why I keep hoping she’ll find her way back,” she said as she and Bryce walked out the door.

Upstairs in her room, Helen sat at her desk for a while, looking at old photographs of herself, Papa, Mama, and Charlotte. She was tired.
Still, she opened a drawer and took out a sheet of stationery, an envelope, and a fountain pen.
She wrote to the royal family to send her best regards and to let them know that she held no animosity toward them for not acknowledging her father’s relationship to them. She addressed the letter to the palace. She knew they were long gone, but she wondered if another long lost family member would someday read it.
She thought about Papa, and his father before him, and all the generations of unrecognized royal descendants that had resulted from one royal family member. Perhaps a child was taken and later learned the truth. She imagined a small boy being stolen from his bed in the dead of night, never to return. Or perhaps a secret love affair resulting in a child was what had led to men shouting in asylums throughout the years about having royal blood in their veins.
     Helen went to her closet, where she kept a stash of bottles the maids and her nurses didn’t know about. Gin, scotch, bourbon, it didn’t matter. She grabbed one and sat on the bed and took a few gulps.
She opened the bedroom door and looked out into the hall. There was no sign of anyone. She walked out of her bedroom and went to the staircase.
She stood at the balustrade and looked down on the foyer, with all its marble glory, the huge, elegant round marble-topped table in the center, the crystal vase upon it filled with white roses.
As she looked, she suddenly saw the two royal thrones from the palace appear out of nowhere. Seated upon them dressed in royal robes and wearing their bejeweled crowns were the king and queen. Then Papa and Mama appeared, standing beside each other near the queen’s throne. Papa looked very regal in his gold-buttoned white jacket with gold epaulets and rows of medals. Mama was wearing an exquisite white gown with gold embroidery, a lustrous diamond tiara, and the ruby ring. Then Helen saw Charlotte, who was a child again, dressed in a sparkling white gown, standing beside the king.
“Hers is the king’s throne?”
“Yes, little one. And you are both beautiful little princesses.”
With tears in her eyes, Helen climbed up onto the wide railing. She stood there, looking down at everyone. They all smiled at her, and Papa raised his hand to beckon to her.
“Come, little one.”
Helen was a little girl again. She stepped off the railing and floated down into the royal setting in the foyer. She landed on her feet, which were now in shiny white slippers that matched the gown she was now wearing. She ran to embrace Papa and Mama, and Papa lifted her up and he and Mama kissed her. He set her down, and then she and Charlotte gathered up all the white roses from the floor and laid them in the queen's lap.


Just so you know, the characters and the estates in this story are products of  my imagination. If there is any similarity to actual estates or to persons either living or deceased, that is purely coincidental.

The Stories I Write


My New Year's resolution is to keep writing and self publishing.

My stories are short stories, though I'd love to write a novel, maybe expand one of my short stories into one. Until I can work on that, I still want to keep doing the short stories. I feel like there is a lot to touch on. There are still plenty of other things to write about.
When it comes to reading, I like different genres, but I probably enjoy mystery and suspense the most; I like that "element of surprise" ending that jumps out at you.
I like to write those kind of stories too, though it can be difficult. I like to write stories with a lot of emotion, a little humor, and characters who have a secret they're hiding. The plot doesn't necessarily have to revolve around a mystery.
My stories usually have some romance in them. I love when the guy gets the girl, though he doesn't always. I find myself writing about people getting second chances at love after a mistake, or just a bad first impression, or after losing someone they loved. Whatever the case, their road to happiness always has potholes.
I love history, so I'll set my stories in different eras, sometimes going back and forth. I haven't dabbled in sci-fi or adventure stories, and I'm not likely to. I sometimes feel like my stories may only appeal to women because of that. Maybe it's just that whole notion about women wanting to see a romantic comedy while the guys want to go to see the action movie.
I get inspiration from my memories and my dreams a lot. I recently wrote a story about a family that centers around a teenage son. The entire story came about from a childhood memory I have of a house near where my family once lived. I didn't know the people who lived there, but I imagined them back then as a kid. All these years later, I turned the people I imagined lived in that house into the characters for my story. I combined a house that was in one of my dreams with the house I remember from our old neighborhood in creating the family's home in my story.
I am a sucker for a happy ending, though I write sad ones too.  I have written some dark stuff, but there are some dark areas I won't go near. Some topics are off limits. But I hope to write some more scary stuff in the coming year. I'm sure I'll have some nightmares that I may be able to get ideas from.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

What's In A Name? A Story.





One of the most fun parts of writing a story is coming up with the names of the characters. And sometimes a whole story can come from a name.
I recently came up with a story when I was thinking about a woman's name I remembered hearing once. I won't give the name; I'll just say that it's one you rarely hear. I envisioned a character with this name and imagined where she lived and when. I came up with a set of circumstances that surround her and how she handles them.
She has a new love interest. I created that character, giving him a name, occupation, and his life circumstances. I thought of how they meet and spend time together, and what hurdles they face in their relationship. I made up the whole story, starting with just a name that I find interesting and beautiful. I created a character and story I thought were befitting of that woman's name.
Sometimes it's not easy to think of names for characters. I always want that perfect name for the main character, so I may end up changing the name a couple of times before I settle on it and start writing the story. I like to give the characters closest to the main character names that I think sound the best with his or her name.
Sometimes I think the names I give the main characters in my stories just sound like they fit the character's personality or occupation. Grace, the younger daughter in my story Fragile, is a sweet, selfless young woman who cares for her ill mother. And I thought the name Alex Wexler (a law student in my story Kissing A Frog) sounded like a lawyer's name. The names for other characters, no matter how small a part they play in the story, are just as important to me, and I put just as much thought into them.
I had a detective in my story The Curse of Seti whom I wanted to have an Eastern European sounding surname. I was thinking of something like Kovach , Kovacic, or Kovac; I was unsure of the spellings. I found people on social media with the last name Kovac, and one of them was a Lenore, so that clinched it. The detective's name became Andy Kovac.
I don't rely on social media unless I'm really having trouble with a last name. I chose the last name of the family in one of my stories from some comments I was reading. It's kind of like randomly choosing a name out of a phone book, another resource I've used to get the spelling of a last name.
For first names, I'll use names that I like, and every once in a while, the first name of someone I know, but not for a main character, if I can help it. It's just a thing I have. Some of my characters only have first names, like Emily in The Curse of Seti. I actually did give her the last name Sullivan, but then I left it out of the story. It seemed to complement the mystery of the story, and her friends and co-workers weren't given surnames.
I've written a couple of stories where the characters have no names. It kind of takes the fun out of it, but puts more focus on the message of the story. I like to give the reader a chance to reflect on the character's thoughts and feelings as though they are their own, without someone else's name attached to them. The character is anyone, or everyone. Maybe it's someone you know.


Sunday, November 3, 2019

Storied Backstory (All The Things I Meant To Be)



"All The Things I Meant To Be" is a story about love, loss, and not taking anything or anyone for granted. It is a story of a man coming to terms with his fate, looking back on his life decisions, and making one last effort to get things right.
If you asked me who my favorite character in my book of short stories is, I would say Brian Mitchell without hesitation. He is the first character in "Storied Existence" that I created. That was around twenty years ago. I originally wrote the story back then as more of a screenplay idea. To make it a short story, I cut a few characters, and spent a little more time working on how Brian's memories of his father Daniel play into the story.
In the original story, I made Brian a bit more of a jerk in the beginning. He had a couple of run-ins at his job in addition to having already fallen out with his brother, Scott. I cut that down to just his unapologetic stance toward Scott after "stealing" his girlfriend. The girlfriend, Alison, is a confident woman who knows what she wants. I wanted to give Brian someone who would ambush him, get him to loosen up. I imagined Alison as someone who could make him laugh and get him to stop being married to his job. I didn't really have a good grasp of the breakup unfolding, so I started the story with them already being broken up.
Brian and his mother, Connie, are like best friends. Both Connie and Alison factored into the rift between the brothers. I saw Connie as someone completely devoted to her sons, always putting them first. Just an all-around great mother, who raised them alone after her husband's death, Connie worries about them and doesn't give a thought to her own happiness.
At the beginning of the story, Brian's personal life is a mess. He's also thinking about his father, whom he lost too soon, and as the story goes on, it becomes about unresolved issues and Brian's feelings of inadequacy. He sees Daniel through the eyes of a nine-year-old boy. Daniel was like Super Dad. I just thought of him as someone intelligent, adventurous, good at everything, and cool, with a big heart, who is a hero to his sons. Being the child of a single mom myself, I was inspired by uncles and great-uncles, and motorcycle-riding father figures I've known. I added little things in at the last minute, like the family dog, because, well, of course they'd have a dog!
In "All The Things I Meant To Be", I saw a father and two sons, the differences and similarities between them, sibling rivalry, reflection, and forgiveness. Brian grapples with his mistakes, and his feelings for Alison, the woman he let walk out the door.
I cried for Brian as a writer. I wanted everything for him. I tried to give him his father back in some ways. And I injected just a little bit of mystery into the story.
A fun side note to the story is that I took the title from a CD by a band called The Affordable Floors. Though they are from Pittsburgh, that's not why I set the story there. I just like Pittsburgh.



Wednesday, October 23, 2019

"Storied Existence" Backstory (Russians)

The first story in the book, "Russians", is a fantasy/love story about two, um, Russians, Alexei and Katia, who are frozen at nineteen years of age in 1899 after they kiss in a magical forest. Katia ruins the moment after the kiss when she tells Alexei she is engaged to their mutual friend, Anton.
The idea for the story kind of came to me in a dream I had a few months before I wrote it. In my dream, there were two young people walking around in a village. Then the guy was watching the girl get married from some sort of tower.
I like the fanciful idea that there could be people who are immortal walking around among the rest of us. I wanted to tell a story about that. I decided to take what I saw in my dream and make it into a story of three friends whose lives are transformed, moving through time. Their lives are impacted by the sadness that immortality cannot circumvent, and the longing that it intensifies.
The nationality of the characters was something I randomly chose. I had planned to include a character named Dimitri (because I like that name), but I couldn't find a place for him in the story. I just think of it as Alexei's father's name. I also tried to inject a little bit of humor. And I called the story "Russians" for the simple reason that I couldn't think of another title. 😏

Sunday, October 20, 2019

The Story of "Storied Existence"

It started with an idea. A light bulb over my head. I always wanted to be a fiction writer, and thanks to the magic of self-publishing, I was able to create my first book of short stories this year. With a combination of old ideas I was working on years ago and more recent ones, I sat down and began writing. Getting in touch again with characters I created back then was like seeing old friends. I picked up where I left off, and everything just came rushing back. The newer ideas just seemed to flow too.
I've always had ideas for stories, but just couldn't make them work in longer formats. I was too easily distracted. Then there was an MS diagnosis. And bouts of depression. Sometimes it was just me having too many ideas and not being organized. Or just being too busy to write. At the end of last year I wanted to get back on the proverbial horse, and it occurred to me there was a way - short stories. 
I wrote some stories, thought of a title for the book, prepared it for publication, and in August, I finally accomplished the goal of writing and self-publishing my first book of short stories, "Storied Existence." I chose an old photo from my family's collection for the cover. I just always loved the photo, and I figured it has its own storied existence. I don't know who the woman in the photo is, but she made the cover of my book.
So, the short story format and self-publishing allowed me to finally finish and tell the stories I thought of back in the day. And the new ones. And there will be more to come. I have become an author.

I Really Should Be Writing

  There's a meme most writers are probably familiar with - the "You Should be Writing" meme. There are a variety of them, with...